Southern Prison Anthems
by Amwaaker
Summary: Just a very short drabble. Merle and Daryl arguing about best Southern Prison Anthem ever. Set in the prison of course. Carol/Daryl, Merle/Beth, Glenn/Maggie. Just something silly because both the songs here have been playing on my phone repeatedly over the past few weeks. Couldn't get this idea out of my head. Apologies to Blake Shelton, Rehab, Elvis, and American Idol.


Glenn, Maggie and Beth were sitting around the common area of the prison just watching the showdown in front of them. They knew the Dixon brothers were both hard headed, and both could be complete assholes, but the demonstration they were witnessing was beyond the scope of commentary.

They watched as the brothers started arguing in a corner, then as whatever was consuming them moved to the common area. Both men were definitely worked up with the other being the cause. That much was evident. What was not so clear is what the beef was the two remaining members of the Dixon bloodline shared. Even with Daryl so uncharacteristically using his words, they couldn't figure out what the issue was.

"Rehab".

"No way asshole, Red's gotta take it".

"Fuck you and your hard on for Shelton you pussy. Nothin' beats Rehab".

"Listen you ignorant prick, you just got a hard on for your own sit'ation. Know nothin' about the real deal. Red and Shelton have got it down."

"You just got a thing for doggy stylin' it lil' brother. Man up and admit I's right."

"Ya know, Shane was right – you are a douche."

"Douch? You best choose your words more careful like there Daryl".

"Fuck you Merle – douche is exactly what I meant."

As much as the three observers were enjoying the spectacle, they didn't say a word until it came down to Carol busting in. She walked up to the brothers who hadn't even acknowledged her presence, and slapped them both up along side the head.

"What the fuck mouse?"

"Carol, what the hell?"

"Just so you two jackasses know it, you are _both_ wrong". Elvis has got it locked.".

Everybody stopped and looked at her for a moment, then both Daryl and Merle started arguing again, picking it back up where they left it. Glenn and Maggie looked at Carol questioningly.

"Those two asses have been having this same argument all day."

"Care to enlighten those of us just sitting her enjoying the show?' Maggie asked.

"Best prison song ever made – a topic that those two idiots can't seem to let go of."

"Mouse, you may have a great ass, but Elvis has left the building already. And Shelton don't got nothin' on Rehab."

"Don't talk about my woman's ass Merle – and you are as usual dead ass wrong. Except about Elvis. Sorry Carol, but Elvis was dead before he died."

"People are eating each other outside, and these two are arguing about music?" Glenn mutters to Maggie. "I'm not even sure I know what songs they are referring to. . . . "

"Southern rock prison anthems" Beth piped up.

That brought both brothers out of their snit for a moment, heads whipping up to the blonde who was now standing up with her face shining.

"No offense there princess, you may know what weak ass song Daryl here is referring to, but your virginal ears ain't _never_ listened to no Rehab."

Beth clenched her fists and walked up to both men stubbornly. Standing in front of them both, she started belting out in a cool clear voice – the lyrics coming out of her in a hard manner:

 _ **Bartender I really did it this time  
Broke my parole to have a good time  
When I got home it was 6 A.M.  
The door was locked so I kicked it in**_

 _ **She was tripping on the bills  
I think she was high on some pills  
She threw my shit out into the yard  
Then she called me a bum and slapped me real hard**_

 _ **And in my drunken stupor I did what I should've never done  
Now I'm sitting here  
Talking to you  
Drunk and on the run**_

 _ **I'm sitting at a bar on the inside  
Waiting for my ride on the outside  
She broke my heart in the trailer park  
So I jacked the keys to her fucking car  
And crashed that piece of shit, then stepped away **_

Merle stopped dead, staring at the wonder of this little blonde belting out the lyrics to his own personal anthem.

Then her tone changed to sweet, smokey, and slow – steadily crooning out:

 _ **Well I caught my wife with another man  
And it cost me ninety nine  
On a prison farm in Georgia  
Close to the Florida line  
Well I'd been here for two long years  
I finally made the warden my friend  
And so he sentenced me to a life of ease  
Taking care of Ol Red**_

 _ **Now Ol' Red he's the damnedest dog that I've ever seen  
Got a nose that can smell a two day trail  
He's a four legged tracking machine  
You can consider yourself mighty lucky  
To get past the gators and the quicksand beds  
But all these years that I've been here  
Ain't nobody got past Red**_

 _ **And the warden sang  
Come on somebody  
Why don't you run  
Ol' Red's itchin' to have a little fun  
Get my lantern  
Get my gun  
Red'll have you treed before the mornin' comes**_

Daryl just looked at her grinning. "See, Shelton's got it over Rehab any day."

"Fuck that brother, Rehab is better."

"Guys, this isn't American Idol here . . . " Glenn started.

"American what?" both brothers asked at once.

"C'mon Beth, sing Elvis now!" asked Carol.

"NO ELVIS!" the brothers yelled at the same time, then went right back into the argument again.

"Sorry Carol" the blonde said.

"It's ok Bethie. We may as well sit back and see where this goes. I'm betting it spills over to the yard before too long the way these two are going."

"Just let me be the one to bandage up Merle later, ok?"

"As long as I've got Daryl."

Maggie came up to them from behind. "Y'all started this little argument didn't ya. Just wanted to be a couple of nurse-maids to ya'lls men."

Beth and Carol just looked up at her innocently, smiled, and walked to their respective cells, waiting for the inevitable blows to come.


End file.
